by Lauren Jonik

Family—blood or chosen—helps us to orient in the world and find our place by understanding not only where we come from, but where we have the potential to go. My passion for genealogy was ignited on a rainy day in my 10th year. My grandmother and aunt had prepared a booklet listing all of the relatives and ancestors dating back to my great-grandparents. Suddenly, my Irish, German and Polish heritage took on a new dimension. I began to understand that my ancestry meant more than the taste of the crumbly scones my Great Aunt Florence made, the scent of kielbasa and rye bread that filled the kitchen when my grandfather cooked or the sound of the PG-rated German curse words my grandmother uttered, promising to tell me their meaning when I turned thirteen. The collection of idiosyncrasies painted a larger picture—one whose value I took for granted as a child.

But yet, as I traced my finger down the list of names of my great grandmother’s nine siblings, I felt a kinship I couldn’t explain. When I read their birth and death dates, my heart sank realizing all but one of them died as children or young adults—some within days of each other—due to influenza outbreaks in the late 1890s. When I thought of what my great great grandmother endured losing not only eight of her children, but her husband, who had been a Civil War veteran, I marveled at her resilience. By learning what I could about their stories, I began to understand that I could sculpt my own about my life. Like Catherine O’Brien, perhaps I, too, could choose to be resilient when faced with adversity.

Over the years, different relatives worked on genealogical projects—some by just dabbling and others, by doing comprehensive research. When I picked up the mantle in earnest in an effort learn more about all of the branches of my family both past and present, I had my work cut out for me. Each discovery seemed to lead to a new question. I found myself diving into trade journals of bakers from Philadelphia, PA and Camden, NJ in the early 20th Century to try to figure out the name of my great-great grandfather’s bakery. I researched the socio-economic conditions of German immigrants on the east coast, looked into what would entice a young man fresh off the boat to head west to Oregon in 1880 and studied old-time maps of southeastern Pennsylvania and South Jersey to understand county-line delineations. I wrote to historical societies and read any primary source documents (like Census records) I could get my hands on. (Yeah, I know. . . this really is the kind of stuff I do for fun. All those Nancy Drew books as a kid had an impact. . . ). The farther my research delved, I became, as Lewis Carroll would say, “curiouser and curiouser!”

While we are alive, we create our stories. In time, as generations pass, we become those stories. The best way I know to honor those who came before me—the people whose every decision gave me a chance at life to make my own decisions—is to tell their stories and share them.
Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way while researching my ancestry:

• • Speak to living relatives

    Asking your relatives specific questions can yield information you wouldn’t necessarily be able to find as easily any other way. Focus first on speaking to any elders. I have found that doing so in small doses works best. Sometimes, they will bring up topics you wouldn’t even think to ask about. If possible, record the conversations, but if not, take notes including the date you gathered the info. Be patient with your older relatives—remembering some family stories and details might not be easy for them. Follow their lead with what they are willing and able to share, but don’t be afraid to ask—respectfully. Some people don’t think their lives would be of interest and they won’t volunteer unless prompted.

    I listened as my grandmother told me how she and her family survived the Depression—her father brother home brought leftover food from where he worked. He would give it to my grandmother, who was 8 in 1929, and she passed out the extras to their neighbors.

  • Keep good records

    In the beginning phases of research, it is easy to think you’ll remember where you read the name of the ship Great Uncle John served on during WWII. Rookie mistake! As you travel farther and farther down the rabbit hole of records, it will be impossible to recall where you read what. Document your findings as you make them.

  • Consider taking a DNA test

    Ancestry.com, 23andMe.com and other sites have made taking DNA tests easy and affordable. These sites have sales several times a year, so it may be worth waiting until the next one, if you are on a tight budget. The process itself is simple and painless: after receiving your kit, you spit your saliva into a small tube and mail it back with a pre-paid mailing label.

    My grandmother took a DNA test before she passed away a few years ago. Just recently, those results conclusively linked someone I crossed paths with on Ancestry.com to our family. His grandfather was my great great grandmother’s brother. It was exciting to discover such a distant, yet clear connection as a result of research and DNA results combined. But, the biggest thrill came when he shared with me a photo of my great great great grandmother who was born in the early 1830s. Seeing images of ancestors brings them alive in ways that mere names and dates can’t do.

    Make sure to read the privacy and data collection policies of any companies you share your DNA or data with, so that you can be sure that their terms of service align with your personal beliefs about your data. People often have strong opinions on this topic and the best thing to do is to educate yourself and make an informed decision. In my view, the benefits of DNA testing outweigh the drawbacks, but each person should decide for himself or herself.

  • Verify, verify, verify

    All families have legends that get passed down and some may be “altered” a little bit in the telling. Sometimes, it is intentional and other times, embellishments happen because people remember things incorrectly and those incorrect versions become the family lore. Even things as basic as immigration years can be off. My rule of thumb is, to the best of your ability, verify any key information with two primary sources. This means seeking out original documents like birth or death certificates, church records, ships manifests, Federal or State Census records and/or naturalization papers. (Try not to cry like I wanted to when I found out that almost all of the 1890 Census was lost in a fire and very few records survive. That record would have broken down a genealogical “brick wall” for me, but I digress.)

  • Be prepared for family secrets to emerge

    Genealogy is a realm where the axiom “do no harm” should apply. If you learn something that requires discretion or that potentially could be painful to the parties involved, proceed with caution. As much as I firmly believe that stories matter, people matter even more. Go gently. . .

  • Utilize online resources

    There are plenty of websites that can aid in your search—both free and paid. Ancestry.com is one of the most well-known. FamilySearch.org is another—it is run by the Church of the Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormons). The National Archives may also be useful. In some instances, records are not online and may require a specific inquiry into a state or county office. There are some records online that are digitized, but not yet searchable by name. This means that in order to find your particular ancestor, you may have to scroll through many documents to find your person. But, don’t be daunted by difficult searches—the journey of discovery is part of the reward. Seek support and insights from others who do genealogical research—they may have tips to offer that will hasten your searches. Facebook is a great way to connect with others in the genealogical realm. I have crossed paths with many helpful people. A few even volunteered to translate an old document for me from a language I couldn’t decipher into English. (It turned out to be written in pre-Revolution Russian!)

  • Preserve old photos and documents

    If Aunt Myrtle has the only remaining photo of Great Great Uncle Thomas from 1895 hanging on her wall in the sunniest room of her home, you might as well kiss that photo goodbye. Time—and particularly light—can degrade a photo. (But, storing that photo in a damp basement is not a good idea either!) If Aunt Myrtle wants to display the photo, the best idea is to make a copy of it and display the copy. You can read up about the preservation of old photos and documents here.

  • Back up your data

    Ideally, any data you have (scans of old photos or documents, your own research, etc.) should be backed up in multiple ways: on an external hard drive and in the cloud. Sites like Dropbox offer a certain amount of free data storage. Make sure to label old photos with the any names and dates you know.

  • Be generous—share what you learn

    I like to think of the knowledge and information I have discovered through my genealogical research is a gift from the ages—I have a responsibility and the privilege to pass it forward. I’ve read stories of people who get stingy about their findings: don’t be that person. There is simply no need to be. Share your findings with your loved ones—it may bring you closer together and foster connections or reconnections. And, after all, genealogy isn’t just about learning about history. It is a way to understand where you fit in in the present.

No family is perfect. Everyone has that one relative… But, if you aren’t close with biological family, remember that there are many ways to define what family means—blood is not the only way. However we form the bonds and connections with those closest to us, the most important thing is to nurture them, to treasure them.

Eventually, we all become the stories someone else will tell.

Lauren Jonik is a writer and photographer in Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in 12th Street, The Manifest-Station, Two Cities Review, Amendo, The Establishment, Bustle, Calliope and Ravishly. When she is not co-editing TheRefresh.co, she is working towards her Master’s degree in Media Management at The New School. Follow her on Twitter: @laurenjonik.