by Andrea Crowley-Hughes

“And we’ll one day tell our story
Of how we made something of ourselves now”
– Lucius, “Two of Us on the Run”

This won’t be a how-to guide for running with proper form or getting yourself race-ready. For those worthy goals, I’d direct you to Runner’s World or Couch to 5K instead of this personal recollection. I’m no expert, just an amateur runner, a devotee of the stillness that pours in when my feet are pounding the pavement. But if your social media feeds are plastered with post-marathon selfies and you want to see what all the buzz is about, stick around. Runners are as varied as the bird calls or playlists they hear on their morning (or evening) jogs, and if the idea of becoming one of those people in the bright tights sounds overwhelming, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Going so fast, every doubt we had is coming undone

I always had a thing for running, but we got serious when the anxiety I nursed through from childhood into my 30s started to manifest physically. I had some classic panic symptoms like a racing heart and tingling in my hands and feet, and went to the doctor fully expecting to be checked into a hospital. Instead, I got some advice that seemed counterintuitive: “try to relieve your stress through exercise.” While the health-anxious part of my brain protested it wouldn’t be a good idea, the doctor told me the running would actually condition my heart, and help me control my nerves instead of being controlled by them.

So, the human manifestation of a shrug emoji 🤷, I figured it was at least worth a shot. I replaced my three-year-old sneakers with some running shoes and took to the streets.

The more I went out, the more I noticed obsessive thoughts drift away like so much air. With music pumping through my headphones and a vista of trees with newly forming leaves, the runs were a place of calm, where I didn’t have to worry about anything except moving in a straight line and focusing a few miles ahead.

And now we pass so many people on the road
They could come along, I wish they’d been told

Ironically, the first “rule” of being a runner is not to rush it. Listening to my body and going at the pace it allows made my runs enjoyable from the start. In the past, I used apps to track my distance and rate of speed, but they wound up stifling my runs. I felt like I couldn’t run without them, and the need to collect data disrupted the natural and spontaneous feel that makes running a go-to stress reliever. Now, instead of turning to Runkeeper, which would announce the amount of ground covered during the run itself via my phone’s speaker, I just tally up the miles that my phone records on its default app after the run is over. While tracking apps might be effective for some runners, I like to think minimizing the monitoring allows me to gauge distances through muscle memory, and to stay in the moment instead of worrying about quantifiable progress.

So everything else has room to grow
‘Cause in better light, everything changes

There are some parts of my running routine that are less than spontaneous because adding some structure made it a habit, and having races to look forward to made the habit more unbreakable.

It took trial and error, but I found a consistent route that I run. Because my track is a maze of suburban streets, this involved going on some runs that were too long and too short before landing on the “just right.” It still varies given the temperature and energy level I’m working with on a given day, but having a template to build on was helpful. If your surface is an actual track or a treadmill, you’ll likely experiment with different speed and incline settings or run lengths to find what’s comfortable for you, what’s too boring or easy, and what’s a challenge.

Signing up for 5Ks is my other move toward consistency and growth. Databases like Runsignup.com list upcoming events, and I find that signing up for a race a few months in the future provided a built-in reason to run a few times a week, especially if it supports a cause I care about.

It was hard to sleep the night before my most recent 5K, but other runners who frantically wrote on message boards were assured that this was normal. Also, I had forgotten how much running next to people brings out an instinct to, well, race, and I required more rest and recovery time afterward. It was hard not to think “hey, she’s getting really far ahead of me” instead of just enjoying the course, as I would do if I was on my own.

1, 2, 3 even when you get tired
Just keep one foot in front of the other
There’s no race, no ending in sight
No second too short, no window too tight

Overall, though, I appreciate how running is focused on the individual runner more than any given race. The activity is a place I can go when the world becomes too much – there is only the wind rushing past me, my breathing and the motion of my body. Over time, I’ve noticed the positive changes running was bringing about – mile after mile, day after day. Sometimes I feel it sinking into rest after a particularly intense run, or sometimes my therapist reminds me that I didn’t exercise with this much dedication before and it’s an example of how I’m taking control of my life. These moments are things I hold onto as my shoes get more and more worn – literal evidence that I’m moving forward.

Andrea Crowley-Hughes is a Refresh co-editor, former print journalist and Digital Communications Manager for Journalism and Women Symposium. She graduated from The New School Media Studies program in 2016. Check out her social media and design work on andreachout.com, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.