by: Lauren Jonik

The 2018 mid-term election season in the United States generated a considerable amount of buzz both on social media and on conventional media outlets. The message was clear: VOTE.

But, after doing our civic duty, what comes next? Here are several ideas for how to remain an active, engaged citizen long after you’ve peeled off the “I Voted” sticker from your clothes.

There is only one team

So often, the narrative around politics becomes “us” versus “them.” Candidates get likened to those on sports teams. The blue jerseys are on one side, the red on the other. Occasionally, a few other colors show up wanting to play, but they don’t usually get to toss the football through the basket at first base quite as readily. (Can you tell I don’t usually watch professional sports?) In real life, ultimately, there is only one team and we’re all playing on it. There absolutely needs to be a solid playing field for differing opinions, ideas and thoughts about policies. These dialogues are important and vital. But, our power as a nation—and as an idea of how to govern—is strongest when we find ways to come together.

Talk with people– and listen

Every story has a beginning point. When someone incites or participates in a conversation about their views on politics, the beginning is not usually what is shared. They are telling the middle of their story. Take a step back and seek to understand things from a position farther back in time. Get curious. Ask questions from an authentic place. The parties may never agree, but sometimes, people aren’t always seeking 100% agreement—they just want to be heard.

There is a core need in humans to know that we matter. I have always had people in my life that have reminded me that my existence counts for something. When you have that, it is easy to forget that there are people who don’t—and it may be through no fault of their own. When there have been times that I didn’t feel like I was connecting with others in the ways I wanted to, I realized that it was a sign. It meant that onus on nurturing connections was on me. I was the one who had the solution I was longing for—but I had to do the work to bring it to life. Connecting with people takes time both in the short term and over the long term—it is time-consuming. One of the chief enemies we all face is the being so busy that we don’t have time to reach out and communicate, empathize and listen. But, there are few things that enrich the human experience more. See where you can create space to reach out to someone you wouldn’t ordinarily connect with and invite him or her in.

Empathize

One of the beautiful benefits of listening to others’ stories from a head and heart centered placed is that over time, it becomes very easy to empathize with people who have lives very different from your own. From travelling extensively throughout the U.S. at various times in my life, I’ve observed that accents, food preferences, architecture styles, fashion and other externals vary—sometimes, considerably. But, most people want the same things: food on the table, shelter over their heads, clean air and water, access to education for their children, work that matters and pays the bills. They want to live happy and healthy lives and want that for their loved ones, too. And when illness or injury strikes, they want to know that medical care is available. People can disagree about how to attain these things, but it is important to understand that our core needs and desires as human beings are not all that different.

But, when hurting, people don’t always overtly show that they are suffering in the same ways. If someone who may be having a difficult time crosses your path, here’s where to begin: “I understand. . .” You don’t have to understand exactly what their suffering is like—pain is as unique as a fingerprint. But, you can express that you understand the experience of suffering. Almost all of us have some frame of reference to go on. There is power in being present for and with each other.

Stay engaged in your local community

Many years ago, a very wise physician of Chinese medicine I consulted pointed out that if everyone worked to keep themselves healthy, there would be no one in need of healing. Likewise, if everyone kept their portion of the metaphorical sidewalk clean, the neighborhood as a whole automatically would become that way. Doing our civic duty of voting is important, but it is only one piece of a larger puzzle. Stay informed about decisions that impact your neck of the woods. Read local newspapers and blogs—pay attention to what community issues your neighbors are concerned about and learn what decisions your elected and appointed officials are making. Everything big begins small.

Debate policies not people

By the end of election season, most of us have grown tired of negative campaigns. Conversations in real life can also quickly go down errant paths. It is not unlike when you’re having a disagreement with a loved one and that person brings up something from 2007 that has nothing to do with the issues at hand. The fight just keeps spiraling downward. Resolve to stay focused on debating ideas and policies and brainstorming for solutions. The trick is to tackle one topic at a time.

Embrace a growth mentality

When I first read a story about pizza being delivered to polling locations as a means of making voting more fun, I thought, “Oh, that’s kind of nice.” But, upon thinking about it more, I couldn’t help but feel that the constant need to incentivize adults to do the right thing impedes a certain amount of cultural maturity and growth. I realize that this may be an unpopular opinion and I understand that sometimes, pizza really is just pizza—and who’s going to turn that down? But, without building up our resilience muscles over time, it becomes much harder to face challenges—to stand before moral tests and do the right thing simply because it is the right thing. When adults need constant reinforcement and rewards for doing what they know they should do, it doesn’t strengthen them, it weakens them. Rewards can always disappear. There needs to be a firm foundation underneath and a habit of knowing how to make positive choices. Sometimes, our strength isn’t just needed for our own lives—it is needed when we’re called to protect and care for the most vulnerable among us. Our lives are about us, but never only about us.

Remember that you are needed

Each person has something to offer. No matter what your circumstance or station in life, everyone has something to bring to the table. No act of kindness is wasted. I vividly recall the first time a stranger  randomly did something kind for me. I was at a rest area in the middle of Iowa. At 8 years old, I was bored with seeing miles and miles of cornfields. When I stepped out of the car, the summer heat enveloped me. The air conditioning in the bathroom offered relief. I lingered for a moment. When I walked back outside, my grandmother handed me a small white stuffed teddy bear. “That man said this is for you,” she said pointing to a man in his mid-thirties with a crop of thick brown hair and a bushy mustache. I quickly memorized his face just as he got in his white car and drove away. I don’t know why he gave it to me or what that act meant to him. I had no interactions with him myself. I still remember his face.

Of course, because I wasn’t exactly a normal kid, I spent the next 200 miles convinced that there must be either a bomb or stolen jewels secretly hidden in the teddy bear. I kept feeling around its squishy, furry body to try to ferret out the truth. I even carefully examined the stitching to see if it had been sown up again recently. Spoiler: no bomb, no jewels, but it did give me something to look at that wasn’t corn growing, so I counted that as a win.

Whenever there is an opportunity to offer something to someone else in a way that feels appropriate to you, take it. (Though, offering teddy bears that could be hiding contraband to children might not be the best idea. All stories here are for illustrative purposes only!)

Be grateful

It is easy to overlook what we have until we lose it. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re reading this, it likely means that you have access to a device that allows you internet access, it means that you have electricity and probably live indoors. Someone taught you how to read and fed you enough to survive to adulthood. There are people—entire populations—who struggle with having even these basics.

Gratitude is a form of strength that orients us. It is not merely a practice; it is a compass. It guides us to remember that everything but what we cultivate within is merely borrowed from eternity. Appreciation is profoundly grounding and uplifting at the same time.

Think of the bigger picture

I study history as a hobby. By being aware of what has come before, we can gain insights into patterns and cycles—and how people have responded to challenges. Progress, however it is defined, is almost never a straight line. Even a casual glance backward shows that humans are capable of doing terrible things to one another, but we are also infinitely capable of the opposite—of great love and compassion. There is always good in the world. When you don’t see it, make space to create it in your life and figure out ways to share that. We always have the choice whether to take the high road or the low road.

Aristotle said, “We become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.” We vote for the lives we want not merely on election days, but with all of the myriad of choices we make on a daily basis. Step by step, stone by stone, we build the homes we hope to inhabit.

Photos of ballot box and voting stickers courtesy of: Element5 Digital

Photo of floppy-eyed dog courtesy of: Kyle Smith

Photo of teddy bear courtesy of: Couleur

Photo of choice signs courtesy of: Geralt

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 Lauren Jonik is a writer and photographer in Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s, The Manifest-Station, Two Cities Review, Amendo, The Establishment, Bustle, Role Reboot, Ravishly and more. Follow her on Twitter: @laurenjonik